You might live in Montana....



By Jeff Foxworthy
 
*If "vacation" to you means going shopping for the weekend in Butte , Deer Lodge, Anaconda or Missoula (while the kids swim at the Comfort Inn)
*If parking your car for the night involves an extension cord
*If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 8 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by
*If you're proud that your state makes the national news primarily because it houses the coldest spot in the nation
*If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy"
*If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March
*If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there
*If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead
*If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
*If your town has an equal number of bars and churches
*If you know how to correctly pronounce Absarokee, Choteau, Ekalaka, and Hysham
*If you measure distance in hours
*If your family vehicle is a crew cab pickup
*If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once
*If you often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again
*If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching
*If you see people wearing hunting clothes at social events
*If you've installed security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked
*If the largest traffic jam in your town centers around a high school basketball game
*If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them
*If there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Wal-Mart at any given time
*If there are more people at work on Christmas Eve Day than on Opening of Deer Season
*If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit
*If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow
*If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction
*If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce
*If finding your misplaced car keys involves looking in the ignition
*If you call 0 degrees "a heat wave"
Then you must be from Montana!

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